Been It’s a While Since Everything Felt This Right

So I met this guy online. His name is Ron and I am so giddy and like a school girl. We met once before the date that happened today. I got into a huge fight with my mom and her gf. I couldn’t handle the pain so I cut myself…if the razor was not so dull I would’t have been dead. I cut myself 26 times up my arms and across over and over crying…but I was still alive.
Anyways that night he picked me up and we went to a hotel. I was over emotional and stuff and I felt so wrong about sleeping at a hotel with him. His eyes were so intense and he came off to strong and I didn’t want to have sex…but I did. I did’t like him. In fact he spent 48 dollars on a room and I had him pay then drive me home a few hours later after I was freaking out.
So today he took me to the movies, we saw Taken 3. It was so amazing and I felt so connected with him. Like something in me switched and I knew that I was over, that I was his. After the movie we drove around looking for a spot to park so we could have sex. Usually the sex I had in cars was numbing, emotionless, no fire, and that’s how I though that this was how it was going to be…but no.
No, the sex was amazing. Full of passion and wanting….so emotional that I could feel happiness sink in my veins.
After we had sex we were just kissing and making out. So amazing!! He dropped me off and I cant stop thinking about it!!!!!!!!

Toxic People Hardly Ever Start Out Toxic

Color me purple and watch me drown
in my own abyss,
Do you remember this?
Do you remember me?
Remember us and the lies we believed,
sober talk to me as we sit in silence,
As we drank in the intoxication of chaos And passion,
Scorched in so much highs,
Can you remember the feel of my skin?
Or the pulse in us that made our hearts skipped in beats,
night after night,
moan after moan,
breath after pleasure,
pleasure in pain,
love and madness,
bodies screaming,
do you remember me?
Do you remember the careless whispers of
sweet nothings as our pillow talk,
petals falling on fire bursting into
flames like the stars after they die,
but love grew cold and grey and our
hearts weren’t in sync we changed,
maybe when the time is right and we are older,
you will remember me and come back

Loving an Aquarius Man

Loving an Aquarius man
is no easy task,
You must abide by there rules
so you do not sound “rude” or
disrespectful because you don’t
act how they want You too,
you are always wrong
and you have to be a freak in
forget about your pride
and your self worth,
they are spiteful,
sarcastic and cold,
Emotion is not in their vocabulary
and you have to understand,
They will make,
And destroy you,
You must be ready for there whip
lashes and storms that follow,
For being a leo,
I can’t seem to stay away

Breaking down

Relationships are a give
and take,
The one who breaks you
down is the one who builds you
back up,
The one who tears you apart
is the one who stitches you back
and you are left there walking on egg shells,
wondering what to not say,
Wondering what to say,
pick the right words so I don’t
upset you,
Trying to not feel,
Trying to not think,
Wishing to feel death,
Anthing but this

Closet full of cob webs

Split between what’s wrong
and what’s right,
cut down the middle of conscious
and subconscious,
love and life never hurt so much,
sin and death never tasted so sweet,
drinking bleach to clean my soul,
you have to look past the imperfections to keep loving someone,
even if their past has some stains,
some cracks,
Some horrible secret but it’s okay,
because I have My own secrets,
One must not judge if love is involved,
because drinking the position isn’t
so bad,
if it keeps you sane,
turn your cheek and your eyes,
blind eyes for love

Sin and sex

I’ll wait here naked,
Fondling my boobs ,
fingering my tight pussy,
Wet juices soak my fingers,
Scorching my fantasies,
Sin and sex


Cast away your dreams
and your soul,
Put down your blade,
Your soul ripped apart,
Sacrificing the deeper parts
Love is crazy and unfair,
fighting for the upper hand
one needs to give,
one needs control,
Lack of space and passion,
You lay there lifeless and
Trying to sew your heart back
together while you keep cutting
out the parts of who you are,
All in the name of love

Sexism, gender roles, media

Today in social psychology we are watching a film about gender and sexism and how the media portrays how women should look.

Is it men the fuel how women should look or is it both men and women?
Because men like skinny girls and if a man likes a bigger set girl it’s frowned upon,
But it’s okay foe men to be bigger and expect a skinny girl with a huge ass and tits. 
Its not fair,

Suicide looks like an option

Am I as wrong as you say I am,
Am I so evil for being a fuck up,
Because I lack common
sense in your eyes,
Please tell me,
How does it feel to be so fucking perfect,
To have no faults,
No mistakes,
Why am I the bad one,
The stupid one,
You and your double standards,
I wish I could stop breathing,
Overdose and feel no pain,
Why does your disappointment
bother me so much,
How unfair you are kills me,
Makes me less then who I am,
And you never let me forget it,
Tearing apart myself to keep you
I regret it,
Maybe meeting you was my fault,
Maybe I should have stayed