Only the crows
can recall all my secret
regrets and secrets so disturbing that
the thought of them are
caked with guilt that you can never
clean the wound and heal the broken feelings,
maybe if we were different
and our situation was better we
would be a perfect match,
but at times I think we are not,
I am manipulative and cold,
and you are this golden boy
with a heart filled with love
that the site of love sick people actualy makes its sad,
the puppy dog look that makes me
freak out and end us,
I don’t deserve someone like you,
eyes filled with the promises of
tomorrow,
with loyalty,
you put your heart and soul into
us,
so much so that
I am surprised you haven’t
ended us yet,
if you did I couldnt,
wouldnt blame you
or resent you,
I would have to understand because
all the bullshit I put you through
and you take,
makes me question how someone
with such passion can end up with someone like me,
the kind of love I see in your eyes
are erased and washed away from mine from
already living,
experiencing life,
experiencing the sorrows that
has washed away my aspiration
and dulled my shine,
the true love that is only felt with someone
special,
someone life changing,
the I would die for your eyes
and the bedroom eyes,
the kind of love that even after months the
feeling of kissing them still scorches and turns your soul
and makes you question your thoughts,
calms the storms inside the human soul,
the brand of love that only a Scorpio can
give a Leo,
but as the great movie as said,
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
Tag Archives: love
I’m Not Going To Lie (very Personal)
I’m not going to lie and say I don’t miss you,
I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t think about the good times,
the bad times,
the mistakes I made,
the mistakes you made
or what drove us apart,
I’m not going to say I don’t cry myself to sleep
or that I feel incomplete without you,
I’m not going to lie and say that I wouldn’t want a second chance to meet you,
you were just a mistake
and so was I,
you were just a flaw but
a flaw I loved nevertheless,
you were my everything but
gave me nothing,
we were never meant to be,
I’m not going to lie and say that when I try to close my eyes I can’t sleep,
I’m not going to lie and say that I haven’t wished to be by you,
I’m not going to lie and say that I miss you,
I’m not going to lie,
we were a bad mix,
I was the gasoline and you were the match,
setting our worlds on fire,
maybe it was never meant to be.
all the drama and tears
I still don’t regret a single day with you,
because at that time you were just what I needed
Just want to feel love
Even if its not real love
I still Want to fuck,
I still want to feel that closeness,
That physical connection,
To make guys cum I feel
powerful,
Special,
Sexy,
That a girl like me can please
a man,
Giving it out for nothing but
cheep thrills and careless whispers filled with nothing,
The instant connection is intoxicating,
Is exciting,
Just for a night,
Ill pretend I’m yours for the night,
Pretend that you actually care ,
A way to cope I fuck strangers
and addicted to the pain of,
Emptyness ,
Smelling of saddness and drugs, flashbacks of one night stands ,
Not enough to drown my demons
they know how to swim
Loving an Aquarius Man
Loving an Aquarius man
is no easy task,
You must abide by there rules
so you do not sound “rude” or
disrespectful because you don’t
act how they want You too,
you are always wrong
and you have to be a freak in
bed,
forget about your pride
and your self worth,
they are spiteful,
sarcastic and cold,
Emotion is not in their vocabulary
and you have to understand,
They will make,
Break,
Mold,
Save,
And destroy you,
You must be ready for there whip
lashes and storms that follow,
For being a leo,
I can’t seem to stay away
Closet full of cob webs
Split between what’s wrong
and what’s right,
cut down the middle of conscious
and subconscious,
love and life never hurt so much,
sin and death never tasted so sweet,
drinking bleach to clean my soul,
you have to look past the imperfections to keep loving someone,
even if their past has some stains,
some cracks,
Some horrible secret but it’s okay,
because I have My own secrets,
One must not judge if love is involved,
because drinking the position isn’t
so bad,
if it keeps you sane,
turn your cheek and your eyes,
blind eyes for love
Maybe
Cast away your dreams
and your soul,
Put down your blade,
Your soul ripped apart,
Sacrificing the deeper parts
within,
Love is crazy and unfair,
fighting for the upper hand
one needs to give,
one needs control,
Lack of space and passion,
You lay there lifeless and
numb,
Trying to sew your heart back
together while you keep cutting
out the parts of who you are,
All in the name of love
Suicide looks like an option
Am I as wrong as you say I am,
Am I so evil for being a fuck up,
Because I lack common
sense in your eyes,
Please tell me,
How does it feel to be so fucking perfect,
To have no faults,
No mistakes,
Why am I the bad one,
The stupid one,
You and your double standards,
I wish I could stop breathing,
Overdose and feel no pain,
Why does your disappointment
bother me so much,
How unfair you are kills me,
Makes me less then who I am,
And you never let me forget it,
Tearing apart myself to keep you
happy,
I regret it,
Maybe meeting you was my fault,
Maybe I should have stayed
away
To Ron
You don’t understand
but I’m not surprised,
All you care about it yourself
and your stupid ego,
You never do a thing wrong
and you must always be right,
Typical guy,
I was stupid to think you were
any different,
maybe you’d be emotional
and understanding
but no,
You must always have the last word
and you are stuck in your own mind,
Worthless and faithless my body goes
numb,
Each cut cuts deeper until I feel nothing,
I don’t hear anything you say,
Your words don’t tear me up because
I’m already empty and tired
of your games and antics,
Telling me how whiny and wrong I
am,
Making me feel less then what I am,
If you hate me so much why you still with me,
If I’m such a bitch and crazy then leave,
Stop fucking with my heart and feelings
and go
Sober Talk (Beginning)
So, I am going to take a stab at writing a book. This will be in it’s own category if you want to follow along.
________________________——————————————————_________________________________
Maybe the kerosene was the final straw, final switch in me just flipped.
Slicing my skin, dragging the metal razor down my white skin, numbing my heart I feel tears fall down from my eyes. My body screaming, my lip tremble as I cut more lines across my left arm, over and over my brain fighting with my heart. A never ending battle. Stop and go.
“Lacey,” I hear my step mom call up the stairs.
“Yes?” I yell back.
“I am going to the store.”
Then go already, so that I don’t slice your throat open.
“Okay, have fun,” I yelled back at her.
She expects me to want to hang out with her even though she talks so much crap about the people around her, like if she was mad at me she would gossip with my sisters or when my brothers got old enough them too. The funny part is that when she heard you talk about her she would yell at you and tell you that if you have anything to say I can say it to her face. That was funny because this is coming from a person who talks major crap about her kids and family, she can dish it but she can’t take it. I never truly liked my step mother, she was to two faced.
Hearing her slam the door I breathe out, exhale in relief, finally she is gone. Cleaning my cuts up I stare into the mirror. I hate what I see and I am not going to like I am not truly with my weight. You see I am not like a huge girl, like I still have a shape and my stomach has fat on it but it’s not a huge amount, but I wish I was smaller. Actually this past weekend I stayed at a hotel with a stranger and I looked at my body in their huge full body mirror and I don’t look big like how I see myself. The guy who took me there, who I am currently dating, Ron, I was talking to him and I told him is there something wrong with the mirror because I look smaller. Ron told me in his analytically-I know-Everything-Voice, “Well I don’t see anything wrong with the mirror, that is a perfectly good mirror.”
It was just weird, maybe I am not as big as I think I am.
This Love is Treacherous
“I stayed in a psych ward for a few days because of breakdowns I keep having. I cut a lot and deep. I didn’t have music, facebook, no electronics while I was staying in the hospital…all I had were a pen and pieces of paper to spill ink all over”- Amanda Day
(Feb 10th, 12:20 P.M)
Lies never tasted so good,
never melted so sweet,
a perfect sunset in the bare eve,
never did the dawn of day yell at me,
don’t close your eyes,
safe and sound,
you’ll be alright,
the dawn of eve sings of sins and truths,
never before did
the Raven look so black,
never did the crow caw so
loud,
so loved,
as a feather falls from the sky,
the petals dance on her lips,
tears fall upon her eyes,
fragile as a glass vase,
this day dream is dangerous,
I love it
kissmecannibal 