Blow and Weed gives me the fix I need

It feels amazing getting took to another land,
far far away in a pipe,
or a sniff of snow,
getting lost in the feeling of
happiness,
but after when the party is over,
feeling of hate and bitterness gets lost in my screams and looks,
feeling the monster grow I go out and sell my body for a fix,
it’s a terrible habit I know,
my baby doesn’t know what I do to shush my demons,
to stop the thoughts,
the endless cries and screams,
getting taken over,
I sniff and take a hit of weed and blow,
nothing like that it calms me down and leaves me wanting more and more,
till I can’t get fixed anymore and I need something to stop the clawing
in my brains at my heart,
it kills you inside,
trying to get out and break free I toss what I had left and just wait out the reactions,
the smart remarks and bitterness that leaks of ink from the corners of my mouth,
all i can think about is my fix,
about feeling better,
harming myself I can’t help but smile because of the monster that is satisfied as the
ralization me sits there crying for help but the monster takes over and hushes the little
girl and me and makes me do adult decisions,
adult mistakes,
the monster rawrs and I want,
need more,
and more,
until I float on a cloud far away,
no way to return the old me

That’s Borderline

Oh evil me,
smile, I purr into the mirror putting on makeup,
evil stains my eyes and is ingrained into my skin,
my lips part as I see my dark brown eyes staring into my soul with red lips,
clicking my tongue I watch her in the mirror,
A glint of evil in her pupils and a sweet smile,
but that is the difference,
only i can see this,
I can see both sides,
both lines in me,
the sweet side says no to not go out and the other side,
the evil look,
the sneer says go out and do whatever that needs to be done,
trying to hold on to reality I slip into fantasy,
memories sing me to sleep and smack my brains against the wall,
he lied,
she lied,
he hurt me
and so did she,
they both will never know what they did to me,
not trusting my new boos words,
I love you,
sweet sweet child giggles and smile widely
as the bad bad sour side sneers,
rolling her eyes,
sure, that’s what they all say but why do you love me,
taunting and waiting the sweet side knows what he says will be alright,
the mean nasty side wants a stellar reason why,
trust is not there,
not always,
I wish it were that easy to just say Ya I believe you once
your heart has been cut up so many times,
stab after stab,
my episode kicks in,
and I lay their in bed,
tears shedding down the corner of my eyes and a knife
lays in my hand,
blood flows from my ankle with cuts
that held me on to who I am,
both sides are in me still in me as I lay on the bed still bleeding from my ankle,
mean side,
awful side smirks and smears the blood over my arms  and face,
soft side cries and throws the knife,
both living inside one body,
of course,
that is borderline

FUCK FAKE ASS PEOPLE AND THEIR FUCKING FAKE ASS FEELINGS

I’m so mad. I am there for others, to listen to them complain, to get my heart torn out, BUTTTT if i need them NO ONE IS THERE:/ I will try to talk to people for help so I don’t have a complete breakdown BUT NOOOOO no one texts me back or freakin talks to me, they just whatever:/ I am tired of this and I am near the point of snapping and got caring who I hurt:/ I rather be alone than have fake ass friends who don’t give a shit about me:/  People wonder what happened to me because I used to be so sweet:/ Know what happened, I let people fuck me over to many times that i don’t give a shit anymore. That is what happened. This little girl doesn’t give a shit any more because people pressed my bitch button to many times:/ You want to know the story of my life in one sentence, I was fucked over to many times to care about me or others, which caused me damage:/ Fuck my life, I hate this and people who “pretend to care about me.” Fuck you and all the other people out there who are fake as hell or who pretends to care. Fuck you:/

sweet Innocent

Let the winds rustle,
the trees speaking to us,
they tell us secrets if you listen closely,
like the sea,
the mermaids like to tell us rumors they heard the
shell fish tell,
the blue imprints leaves marks as you swim for dear life,
leaving all what you have behind,
you dive into the ocean tied with bricks around your ankles,
grasping for life to end not wanting to die,
letting my petals fall and drown with me,
my innocence dies,
oh sweet sweet ideas vanish as i grasp for one last air,
than that’s it,
I am dead,
that’s all,
now all that is left is the memories

Cyanide

The storms covers the areas,

take it or leave it you spatter,

Taking a glint,

a splinter of glass I swallow the shreds of anything we had,

taking a way our memories and a bottle of regret,

I toast to what we were and how it ended,

wanting to steal your pain,

laying on the floor broken,

eating the glass bottle,

smiling a bloody smile,

teeth falling out,

you smile before you slit my throat,

everything will be alright

Empty

Yes, sit with a beer can in

your hand  and judge,

sit there through your blood shot eyes

and speak of that you’ve done nothing wrong,

stagger from your chair

saying that you’re better than me,

Trust is so hard to come by,

you speak,

don’t I know

all my past sins won’t ever go

away,

they kill me,

tearing me open,

that bridge have burned

but you don’t want to rebuild it,

trying to do better

with the queen by your side,

muttering words to you,

she’s so much more important than

me,

I know you sit there talking,

you reek of beer,

no good can come of this,

I jump into the water letting myself

sink,

all the memories come back to me

and you,

we forgive for the words you

speak from your poisoned mind,

for all the hurt you cause,

talking about burning bridges,

you should look at yourself before

you judge me,

That’s all I have to say

and you say more with

a beer can in your hand,

I guess you know more than I

or so you think so,

with beer in your hand

Laying in a Pile of Roses

I lied in my bed crying I do not know why but I feel hurt and confused. I feel hurt because I just got done talking to my boyfriend who lives about 903 miles away from me and he wanted to stop talking, said he will talk to me later. Now, normally I would be fine with all, but today is our 4 months together and he has a headache. He told me that about….2 hours ago. Before he stopped talking he said something..and I got “loud” and how I was disrespectful because I got loud and didn’t take his headache into consideration. That baffled me. Than he said, “I’ll talk to you later bye.” I guess I just..wanted more today………….Guys do not understand that little stuff…hurts us and won’t leave our mind

Desolate

All the reasons fade with time,

as my eyes blink,

the tears flow down

into a puddle in my collar bone,

in the form of lies that we hide,

shaking my head I do not think

I can handle this,

handle the changes,

wanting to run away,

I hollow,

go cold as ice

but chip away

until there is nothing left,

and I am fine again

All the same…

its all the same