So, I am going to take a stab at writing a book. This will be in it’s own category if you want to follow along.
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Maybe the kerosene was the final straw, final switch in me just flipped.
Slicing my skin, dragging the metal razor down my white skin, numbing my heart I feel tears fall down from my eyes. My body screaming, my lip tremble as I cut more lines across my left arm, over and over my brain fighting with my heart. A never ending battle. Stop and go.
“Lacey,” I hear my step mom call up the stairs.
“Yes?” I yell back.
“I am going to the store.”
Then go already, so that I don’t slice your throat open.
“Okay, have fun,” I yelled back at her.
She expects me to want to hang out with her even though she talks so much crap about the people around her, like if she was mad at me she would gossip with my sisters or when my brothers got old enough them too. The funny part is that when she heard you talk about her she would yell at you and tell you that if you have anything to say I can say it to her face. That was funny because this is coming from a person who talks major crap about her kids and family, she can dish it but she can’t take it. I never truly liked my step mother, she was to two faced.
Hearing her slam the door I breathe out, exhale in relief, finally she is gone. Cleaning my cuts up I stare into the mirror. I hate what I see and I am not going to like I am not truly with my weight. You see I am not like a huge girl, like I still have a shape and my stomach has fat on it but it’s not a huge amount, but I wish I was smaller. Actually this past weekend I stayed at a hotel with a stranger and I looked at my body in their huge full body mirror and I don’t look big like how I see myself. The guy who took me there, who I am currently dating, Ron, I was talking to him and I told him is there something wrong with the mirror because I look smaller. Ron told me in his analytically-I know-Everything-Voice, “Well I don’t see anything wrong with the mirror, that is a perfectly good mirror.”
It was just weird, maybe I am not as big as I think I am.
kissmecannibal 